If you've got low self-esteem and you're planning on breaking into the dating scene, you will have a lot of difficulty making a lasting connection with a girlfriend. Low self-esteem is not attractive: you don't want to be the guy sitting slumped at the bar afraid to make eye contact, or the guy who is so needy he scares a girl off after the first date. The truth is: high self-esteem is attractive and low self-esteem is not, so if you want to find a girlfriend and keep her interested, it's important to learn how to maintain a positive self-image.

Girls are drawn to confident, self-aware men, not guys who are always criticizing themselves or flying into a jealous rage. If you are already in a relationship with a girlfriend, low self-esteem can quickly destroy it. A guy with low self-esteem may be extremely possessive, constantly worrying that his girlfriend is too good for him, or thinking that she will leave him at any time for someone 'better.' Guys with low self-esteem may be hyper-sensitive to things their partner says, and wrongly feel they are being criticized. This starts a vicious cycle of getting defensive and starting arguments, which very few relationships can survive.

Low self-esteem stems from a negative incident in the past. Whether it was being teased at school about your appearance, or dating a previous girlfriend who constantly put your down, you may feel like you can never measure up. Some common symptoms of low self-esteem include:

• Fear: fear of rejection, fear of social situations, fear of committing
• Negative self-talk: always beating yourself up for something you said or the way you acted
• Excessively anxious
• Critical of self and others
• Striving to be perfect, taking even small defeats personally
• Shyness
• Jealousy and possessiveness

Many guys who suffer from low self-esteem will find themselves rushing into a relationship with a girlfriend who is completely wrong for them, because they desperately need approval and acceptance. It's especially hard if you have just gotten out of a long term relationship, or have been through a rough divorce. You may rush into a rebound relationship, not caring that the girl you're dating is less than ideal.

Some guys mistakenly think that by entering into a new relationship with a girlfriend, all of their self-esteem issues will magically vanish. However, your self-esteem is directly related to the way you feel about yourself, how you feel other people see you, and how this perception influences your actions. While a positive, supportive girlfriend may drastically boost your self-image, nobody can control your self-esteem except for you.

The good news: you can improve how you see yourself, and how a future girlfriend will see you. Here are four basic steps to improving self-esteem in dating and relationships:

Acceptance: Accept yourself for who you are, with all the strengths and weaknesses that make you unique. Reaffirm your strengths, and focus on your favourite qualities - a great laugh, or a cute nose - rather than the things you don't like about yourself. When a girl pays you a compliment, don't shrug it off or laugh: learn to say "Thank you."

Stop Comparing: One common trait among people with low self-esteem is that they are constantly comparing themselves to others. Everyone looks better compared to them, in every situation; everyone is more handsome, or smarter, or more musically talented. It's impossible to stack up when you're constantly comparing yourself and coming up short.

Live in the Present: Stop worrying about past relationships, or criticizing yourself for mistakes you made months or years ago. Don't take all the blame for negative things that have happened in the past, and try to move forward from adversity as a stronger, more confident person.

Be Kind to Yourself: People with low self-esteem are their own worst critics. Start catching yourself when you say critical things, and be your own mentor. Motivate yourself, get enthusiastic about dating, and cheer yourself on!